about me.. take two

We found out we were pregnant with Grace about four months before we were set to get married. Meanwhile at the same time the company we worked went under and work become few and far between until eventually there was no work. I had to leave work because with what happened with Nacole and that pregnancy they were not sure how this pregnancy was going to go. We got married and had Grace in November. I went back to work at the movie store and Nick was doing tree work and other part time jobs. Things seemed to be back on a normal track until.. SUPRISE!! Pregnant with #3 while #2 was only 6 months old. Ok, so I had to leave work, again, because one pregnancy was not so good while the other went 100% fine they didn't know which way this one would go. All my kids are 100% healthy and the last two pregnancies went full term and made me miserably happy to the end!

Our family expanded in a huge way in a small time. Everyday is different and everyday is the same. I'm not back at the movie store because now I have to wait for someone else to leave. So now I am back in the job hunting position and the tree co. Edward worked for went under..go figure. lol Anyways, thats all I feel like sharing about everything now.

We actually had a calm, relaxing, everything was done and warm at the same time and we got to sit down and eat together dinner. Very nice!! I look at my beautiful girls and how they amaze me in the ways they are different and the same. I look at my husband and thank God that I have a man whom I completly trust, love, admire and respect. I have my wonderful mother, who yes can sometimes drives me to wits end, but I love her so much and also respect and admirer her! Thank you to all that are wonderful in my life.

Now everyone is in bed and now its Edward and I time..

A look into me and how I got to where I am.. part 1

Childhood

Let me start with the earliest life changing event that I can remember.. the death of my wonderful daddy and little brother. What can I remember about that day, honestly not much.. My dad, aunt, brother, mom and I were taking my mom the college and then the rest of us were going to go to mcdonalds. Fast forward past droping her off and another driver fell asleep came in our lane since my dad and brother were on the drivers side and my aunt and I were on the passenger side, he hit the while drivers side and killed my dad and brother instantly. I was seven years old when I realized my life was going to be changed forever, that daddy's don't live forever, that at some point you must learn to let go, that life isn't innocent anymore.. I wonder to myself sometimes if I would be a different person if that event in my life never happened. My mother fell into a deep depression, which is understandable losing five year old son and a husband at the same time at the tender age of 26. So I made friends, some wonderful friends, who helped me threw it and kept me busy. Thank you to LV, MS, TWS, and EC. Anyways, this wasn't to have you feel pitty for me, I am strong and don't need pitty. I told you this to hopefully help you understand how I got to be.. well.. me.

Teenager..*yay*

They say that statistics show when a younger girl looses her dad at a young age most of them tend to turn into, whats the word.. for lack of a better word at the moment, sluts. I guess they try to "find" there dad in other men, or probably just to find a male that would love her. Now back to the point.. I wasn't that girl, I never slept around but i did 'date' a lot. When I was 15 I met a guy who just hit 17 and he liked me, I was on top of the world. DN won my heard with his personality, charm, he had a job at Meijer, was working on getting his lisence.. he was my first 'love'. We dated for about 7 months and then he dumped me because I wasn't ready to have sex yet. So then it was on to the next one..lol I met another guy DB whom I dated off and on for awhile and went to our first homecoming together, then there was CH. The problem was I always liked him and he only liked me when i had a boyfriend and then didn't when i was single. There were a series of guys I went threw until my friend brought over Edward one night. He was about to turn 18 and I 17. We started dating very soon after meeting that night. He eventually moved in with me, it made sense since he was spending every night there anyway. When we were 19 and 20 we found out that we were pregnant. It was a big shock as I just finished school and he was still trying to figure out what to do with his life. A few weeks later his passed away in a car accident and a couple weeks after that we miscarried that baby. That was also very devastating because I was finally ready to enjoy the pregnancy since the shock of getting pregnant was over. Finally he landed a job with his step dad traveling the country and building modular offices and I got hired into Ponderosa at age 18 and had been working there for a few years..

Womanhood

 So Nick was working his traveling job and I was content for two years at Ponderosa. Until I got bored with it and went to rent a movie at a locally owned place here in town and they needed help. So I applied for the job, interviewed and got the job the same day.. Goodbye pondergrossa, with crappy pay and tips (wtf tips at an all you can eat buffet, let me tell you.. not many people) and hello easy breezy movie store. So I have worked there off and on since i was 20. The reason I say off and on is because when I was 18 i had pre-cervical cancer, they took it out and told me I was fine. Until I got pregnant with "nacole" at age 21 (2006) and they realized my cervix wasn't holding up so I went on bed rest and had her a month and half early, to have 5 seizures 1 week later while she was the NICU. When everyone was healthy I went back to work. Finally in 2007 Edward asked me to marry him at his family Christmas. The big day was set for May 30, 2009. In November of 2008 we got pregnant with "Grace."....

gonna have to stop for now because kids are getting fussy.. finish later..

before and after

Do you ever find yourself defining your life by before and afters? Like before I was a mom I would go out and party all the time, do whatever whenever, after kids.. ha better have a family member who wants them all, or find multiple family members who wants one or two while someone else takes the others, then make sure your other friends don't have their kids, plus make sure no one has to work the morning, so yeah by the time I finish the list it turns into another night in. Then it turns into so many nights in that you don't know what to do when you actually get a night out. Or before I was a wife (since I met my husband at 17, although we didn't marry till two years ago, i guess my "husbands girlfriend" would be more appropriate) I dated guys like every other week lol Please don't mistake me for someone who slept around because my husband has been and is the only one.. I never thought for a second I would actually meet someone i would fall in love with and never want to leave. Then one night a friend of mine brought him over, and I knew at that moment that he was going to have a major impact on my life. A couple weeks after we met we started dating. A month later he got me "hooked" we will call it.. At age 18 and 19 we miscarried a baby, at 21 and 22 we gave birth to our four year old, at 24 and 25 and pregnant with number two we got married and at 25 and 26 we welcomed our last child. Threw the years we have gained children, a nephew, step parents, friends, jobs, love, and trust.. threw the years we have lost parents, friends, jobs, family has gotten seperated from one another and I look back on it all and wonder how do we get here? I miss so many of my friends and family (both those you can and can't come back) how do we get back to where we were.. Then there are the moments that take your breath away and you remember know matter what happens, it is all worth it.

they can't all be gone at once..

Tonight my husbands dad called, which usually only happens when he wants something. My oldest daughter ask if she could spend the night, and to my suprise he didn't have excuse, he said yes. Then she asked if her middle sister could stay and much to my suprise he said yes. So its just the baby tonight. I'm sure, kind of, that he would of took the baby to. Its funny, you'd think that with the more kids you have the easier it would be to let them go. That is far from the truth. Other things I am not so picky with with the third one as I was the first. With Kailynne I would run at the moment she cried for anything, which has turned around to bite me in the "ash-trey." That just led to her thinking I will do everything for her at her command. With Liz it doesn't bug me so bad to let her a minute or two before I go running to her, I might not run and bleach and wash her pacifier every single time it falls on the floor like I did Kailynne. Now that Liz is a little over two months old she is awake more, fussy more, and wants to be held more. I love holding her, but when you have a four year old who thinks the world revolves around her, a one year old who won't talk but screams whenever she wants something, which is all the time, its hard to hold a baby 24/7. I am sure that all will turn out fine and everyone will live threw this time. I'm just not sure I will.. lol Hey, it can only get better :)

Its Valentines Day part one

So today is Valentines Day and we have absolutly nothing planned. Now last night I was going to make steak, potatos and green beans. To only find out our puppy ate all my poatos while we were sleeping. So we ended up eating frozen chicken strips and hot pockets. I honestly was about to cry, I know, it sounds childish. I really wanted those damn mashed potatos. So tonight we are going to have our steak, potatos and beans. Hopefully. I woke up in a good mood and energized. I want to show everyone in my family how much they mean to me today. Expecially my husband. Because without him I would not be me, I would not have the three wonderful daughters that I have. We both have our moments, but our love always comes through. I never thought I would say that I needed someone, but I do. I need him. I love him. I don't know who I would be without him.. Going to go live out my day and tell you about it later.

This doesn't happen often..

   Everyone was up by nine thirty and fed, dressed and diapers changed by noon. Of course after her bottle, Liz falls asleep. Taylor was sitting at the high chair with her lunchable, and after only three minutes she fell asleep in the high chair. We took a picture of it, it was just to adorable. Nick got her moved into her bed. Kailynne asked if she could lay in there room and watch T.V. After promising to not play and be loud we laid her down to watch All Dogs go to Heaven 2. Within twenty minutes.. the big event.. all three kids are sleeping!! Amazing. This does not happen often. For some reason I find myself wondering what to do with myself when they are all sleeping or gone. Should I do someting I enjoy or take a much needed nap. Today I think I am going to take some me time and paint my nails without anyone bothering me. Goodbye for now..

25.. Now what?

  Kid 1 is at her Aunt Sams. Kid two is eating with her dad. Kid three is in her crib sleeping. Kids are Kailynne who is four, Taylor who is one and Elizabeth who is two months old. All girls.
  I wonder to myself sometimes, when did we become him and I to a family of five. Where does the time go? How do we go from being teenagers in school worrying about which guys liked us, our test on Fridays, why are friends are mad at us, or which style was in to paying bills, making sure the kids are in school and on time, what or who is cooking dinner tonight? I know we live through these things so we know how we got to where we are, but when you look back, it went by so fast. Sometimes I still feel sixteen, then we run into something and its like.. wait a minute, I'm almost twenty-six. I have wanted to blog, but don't know exactly what to blog about. I hope I don't bore you with my random thoughts and how I am coping with being in my mid twenties. Enjoy and keep following.