Before you read any further I just want you to know that I am not a God hater. And if you are not someone who is open to view other peoples thoughts then do not read any furthur!! I mean it!!
Mind I warn you that my thoughts sometimes wonder off and only make sense to me but I hope it makes sense to you also in some way...
Do I want to believe in God? Yes, I honestly do. Do I believe in God? I honestly do not know. I think to myself sometimes what kind of a God would take away a seven year olds dad and brother, give her some pre cervical cancer bullshit that later causes my first daughter to be born five and half weeks early be in a nicu unit for ten days (which I know other people have it worse so I am not complaining,.. that much) also to have me seven days after giving birth have seizures that landed me in the hospital for three days, then having my moms fiance' pass away and my mother in law pass away also miscarraying our very first pregnancy,give my second child a whole in her heart that isn't getting bigger (but its also not gettting smaller) and so much more that the list could go on and on and on..
But then I think to myself, this God also let my daughter that was born early catch up to normal kids her age within four months, gave me the best husband on earth (I don't care what you think about him either), three beautiful daughters, pretty flowers to look at every year, a house to live in, a mom who would die for me at the drop of a hat, and even though I only had my dad and brother for a short time, they were the best dad and brother ever, the sun comes up every day and the moon comes out every night. I thank someone or something for this every day.
I know that if you believe in heaven then you have to believe in hell.. right? So if we are lucky enough to make it to heaven (which I am sure 98.99% of won't make it there) but if you are lucky enough to make it there then what.. you are there forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.. I think you get the picture. How would you never not get bored? But I do hope and believe that I will someday see my dad, brother, friends, mother in law and so may friends and family that I have lost or not even met for that matter.
Hell.. damnnation.. burning, suffering, heat, sweat, miserary.. that is not a place I want to go or even want to think about. Why would a God want to send anyone to such a horible place? Unless you are rapest, molester, killer, something crazy and actually deserving to be in a place like that. Then you can go down there and rot!
Anyways, sorry got carried away there for a minute.
I want the answer to the whys and what ifs.. But that is another story for another time.
NO I am not a God hater, I just am open to understanding how we got here and became what we are and why...
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