Where are you?

I have been so out of my league these past few weeks. We thought the efing hand was getting better. But they think it is getting worse. So we did a test that was almost 12 hours to complete and are now awaiting the results. Hopefully they are good because I dont want to comprehend what our other option may be. Having Edward gone for those eight days really messed with our oldest daughters head. Every time we have to go to his doctors she wants to know if he has to stay again and when daddy will stay home forever. No matter how much we reasure her that he isnt going anywhere, she dont believe me. I wonder if she can see threw my lies? There is a small posibility he could go back for up to 6 weeks. I hate when the seriousness of life kicks in. I dont do good under stress, ask anyone. I instantly go into panic/stress/crabby mode and I dont know why. I try to work on this, but it doesnt get better. lol But I try..

On the positive I did enroll my daughter to go Cedey Crestor kintergarden this next school year. I have what I call "flash forwards". Just where I imagine what the future will be like. Looking at all those kids all going to be starting there school life together. I watch them play and talk together and they all for the most part get along. Before clicks are made, boyfriends are stollen, friendshipds lost, and whatever else life throughs at them. What will they all be like in 12 years when they all (or I hope all) of them gratuate? I gurantee they are not all going to be friends and playing together when that day happens.

I am also trying my hardest to find a job. Since Edward cant work right now with a bum dominent hand. I've tried a couple places and might have a lead at another. I just want to change my lifestyle, some people I hang out with, and become a better person for myself, my husband and my children. I dont think I am a bad person, but I could be better.

I am going to try and start blogging more, I really feel better when I am done. I got some good ones coming. Thanks for reading, or at least hope your reading.